Friday, June 17, 2005

Profile of a Delusional Sociopath

Just when I resigned myself to a weekend filled with stupid "friendly conversations" at home, came N's call a few minutes ago! It's easy to say that I am cool with all plans, but in reality i am greatly relieved.

R's Rochester visit, G's project transition and some other serious issues coupled with my resolve to spend weekend away from the sight of a computer and several people (for no fault of theirs, I should add) had filled me with great dread. This might make me sound like I am this delusional sociopath. But, you know what? In reality, I am one.

Sociopath (soh-see-uh-path, soh-shee-uh-path)

Someone whose social behavior is extremely abnormal. Sociopaths are interested only in their personal needs and desires, without concern for the effects of their behavior on others.


I abhor solitude with the same revolt that most vegetarians (including me) reserve for red meat. My thinking goes on overdrive when I am left to myself and those thoughts certainly are not positive all the time. So much that, when I was in Athens, even if I was sleepy, had nothing else to do and its way past midnight, I used to wait (sometimes more than an hour) for some company for the 20 minute walk back home from the lab. More often than not, it was M who was that company. I think I am totally in debt to her for keeping me sane and for talking to me about the things that we have in common and for silently letting me "put" my fundaes indiscriminately! I am sure she cursed me under her breath and I know she went through a lot of shit silently too.

Anyways, company calms me. The restless person I am, I tend to think better in chaos. When it is not chaotic, I think the "inner me" tries to mix things up with those ear worms and the humming. It also makes me look for company, a search just to have someone close by, not always to talk to, but to just give me the idea that I am not alone. And in this search, sometimes I have been misunderstood and riled at.

I am trying to change. I might have to get used to solitude, now that a career spent living out of a suitcase beckons (at least for another couple of years). It is going to be a tough job, since spending 4 fun filled years in a hostel (and three more here at Athens/Peoria/Chicago) and after being around groups of people right from childhood, I am more in my elements among people than without them.

So, those of you who have my phone number, do call me when you remember me. For I might just be sitting in Starbucks alone, revelling in my delusions that I have company all around me that I'd offend by taking out my cell phone and calling you myself!

14 comments:

Saranya Kishore said...

Good luck with your new job, if I am not mistaken. :))

Of course you hate solitude, you are a Libran! :))

anantha said...

SK: Danks ma...Thanx, slightly early.. but thank you :) And.. adhu Libran trait a? So naan payithiyam illaya? :D

thennavan said...

S.V.Shekar style le sollanumnaa "the bloody society" :)

IBH said...

vazhkaile idhulam sagajam pa :) I dont know I feel sometimes that i need my space but when I am in my own space I desperately want to come out...now i am not sure if am a paithiyam?;)) neenga sure a illa...atleast neenga adha pathi blog pani taken out of ur system...nan inum pannala :)

btw,congrats!

Me said...

pogaya vettingala vishyam purijikama comment potu irukeengale...

aNTi veetuku signal kudukararu... 7 yrs padichachi...ippo velai vangi visa vum vangiyachi....so ponnu parunga nu .... enna solra anatha correct dhane??

ungaluku therinja ponnu irundha aNTiku call panni sollunga....:)

ioiio said...

Common.. These days being abnormal is so normal that ppl no longer worry abt it..

How wud u explain me reading this blog at 3.30 AM and still find the energy to reply to it, when i have loads of backlog

J said...

i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Psychopaths!oops... u talking abt sociopaths? :-p

anantha said...

J: So, we love sociopaths, do we? LOL.... :p

ioiio: Hmmm....do they dont worry or do they keep to themselves?

Me: Ponnu padhavi panam, thaana varanam.. Nammala thedi pona, vazhkai valama irrukadhu. Edhu nadakanumo, adhu nadakavendiya nerathula nadakum. So naan andha aspect of life pathi jaasthi worry pannala, at this point ;)

IBH: Danks.. like i told Sk, slightly early for all that. The dynamics are such that I still have a couple of weeks (most positively) before those best wishes are due.. still getting trained and waiting for assignments...

Thennavan: Idhu endha S.Ve.Shekar drama? the only line i know from his plays is the opening "Ellarayum nalla vechiko pa"! And me call u this weekend for sure. last week, evening tennis and cricket aadi romba late a veetukku vandhen.

Indica said...

Hello Anti ! I just stopped by since it's been quite a while.. Congrats on your "new' job :)

Nandini

rajesh said...

Ponnu padhavi panam..Thaanaa varum varum nu wait panninde iru..
Apram sociopath illa..footpath or psycopath dhaan neee...

Ozhunga uuutla solli..say yes to that unfortunate girl.Agasmaaatha utta aapinx dhaan diii

idli ideas said...

why is ur blog named superstar ksa?

anantha said...

Idli: Its obvious!

Raapi: Machi, ennaku avasarame illa da! Naan enna onna maari ya ;)

Nandini: Yo.. wassup. Your posts have also slowed down. Thanx :)

Anonymous said...

athellam seri - enna vela maame?

Nilu

capriciously_me said...

*yelling* i am normal...oh i am sooo normal...

ahem...congrats...u will do well & u will prob get a gang in ur workplace also buddy...no worries :D