Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Yum Yum - a Murder by Music (A four act celluloid experiment)

Act I

Time: The afternoon of 18th of December, 2005
Location: An apartment in Jersey City
Key Protagonist: The hero
Background prop: Abhishek Bachchan grooving in that wannabe "Right here, Right now" video in some random desi cable channel playing on the 30" Sony Vega
Scene: The hero watches the video with interest, and suddenly notices the gorgeous Pri'nka Chops and the funky rhythm from those hip hop fakers, Vishal and Shekhar.

*Cut*

Act II

Time
: The next two weeks
(*1st note to cameraman: Do rapid cuts to show passage of time. This unit cannot afford an editor*)
Location: Everywhere - in a car, in the office, in the living room, in the kitchen, in the bedroom and in the shower
(* 2nd note to cameraman: Please focus on upper torso face only. This is a family picture and will not be available in MMS video format*)

Scene: The hero is listening to both versions of the "Right here Right now" number everyday on car stereo, lap top and on his desktop. One particular instance the song is played 6 times in a row before the hero figures out that that in the groovy hip hop version, Abi Jr. throws "heys" at "playah" Ritesh D, Big Pop (Big B???) Pri'nka Chops and Chuckmaster Sippy too. The hero is afflicted with a bad attack of ear worms in the process.

(*1st note to sound guy: Add jarring background noise at this point*)
(*2nd note to cameraman: Alternate the camera between focus and out of focus modes*)

*Cut*

Act III

Time
: Late morning on the 3rd of January 2006
Location: The comments section of a well known blog
Scene: Still affected by the earworm, the hero leaves a Season's Greeting in response to the aforementioned blogger's New Year post.

Seasons Greetings....
*windy windy one time*
Have a wonderful year ahead!!
*windy windy two times*


*Cut*

Act IV
Time: Late night on the 4th of January 2006
Location: The comments section of the same blog

Scene 1: The blogger replies to the comment from our hero enquiring if his was a PJ and if so, could he please explain.

*Cut*

Scene 2: Hero replies thus:
[*Insert random blogger here, preferably played by someone capable of being the high priestess of templates and the kookiest character in the known blogosphere and beyond*]:

Right here right now,
hai kushi ka sama;
(Windy windy one time)
Right here right now,
ho gayi swarg jahaan,
(Windy windy two times)

*Cut*

Scene 3: Above mentioned blogger while "holding tummy and laughing away to glory" corrects our hero thus,

Right here right now
Hai khushi ka samaa
(Wind your body one time ..)
Right here right now
Hum hai is pal jahaan
(Wind your body two time ..)
Bhool jaao, muskuraao
Reh na jaaye baat baaki


*Cut*

Scene 4: Flashback to three years previously..... Hero sitting in front of a desktop (in his erstwhile role as a researcher in the intense field of production planning) doing his best imitation of Alka Yagnik (??) in a crowded research lab.

Mujhse mohabat ka ikrar karta,

kash koi ladka mujhe pyaar karta...
kash koi ladka mujhe pyaar karta;

(*Insert canned laughter as screen fades*)

(*Insert handwritten note that reads "The beginning....")

*Shoot Wrap*

[Disclaimer: Names, characters, places, and incidents featured in/on this post are either the product of the blogger's imagination (well somewhat) or used fictitiously (somewhat again). Any resemblence to actual persons (living or dead), events, institutions, or locales, without satiric intent, is coincidental (God promise!).]

45 comments:

J said...

i have jus one lil thing to say... Aby baby is so hottt

Raj said...

So did you ever find a ladka who did his "mohabbat ka iqraar"??

ha ha

Hardu said...

I completely disagree with the statement you make "gorgeous Priyanka Chopra". She is NOT gorgeous!!

B o o said...

It happens to the best of us anti! Cheer up! :) * Im sorry, this comment was supposed to be for my "imaginary" friend! :)))) *

My cousin(brother)sang "Vaseegara" and "Ondraa, rendaa aasaigal" loudly and I sushed him. Our mutual "imaginary" friend needed someone like that?! ;)

anantha said...

Boo: Thanks. Would you want to be in this movie too? I could add a few scenes of you consoling the dejected "Hero" with a few kind words and some anecdotes that you can improvise. Solid screen time, I say :)

Hardu: I had that opinion till a few weeks ago. Now, I think she is drop dead gorgeous. Haven't heard her speak yet. Girls who giggle (like Aishwarya Rai seems to, these days) put me off...

Raj: You mean, did our "Hero" find someone? Dunno, haven't started working on a sequel (or for that matter a prequel) yet.

J: So they say, so they say. But my question is, if he is *so* hot, why would he wear that coat with all that dingchak faux fur on it. And whats with that "both hands in trouser pocket, standing still and singing" style that is so reminiscent of one Baba Sehgal?

VC said...

hardu: You remember a Friends episode where Ross and a male gynaec are putting fundas about Rachael's pregnancy and Rachael shouts - "Hey! No uterus, no opinion."
We-ell, replace Ross/male gynaec with you, replace Rachael with every straight male, replace pregnancy fundas with Priyanka Chopra (or any other babe, doesn't matter) and replace uterus with the male-body-part-which-they-supposedly-think-with-and-which-shall-not-be-named-here-without-Anti's-permission.
:)

anantha said...

Boo: Btw, something about Vaseegara is so damned catchy. And the same can be said about "Ondra Renda Asaigal" from Kaakha Kaakha... I was once whistling the tune for a whole day, i mean literally the whole day, till my American co-workers at the univ computer services were ready to tear their hear out.
The commonalities between these two songs - Bombay Jayshree. Mebbe thats it.. :)

anantha said...

vc: ROTFL....But..again there are some clauses. Even if we had to think with the male-body-part-which-we-supposedly-think-with-and-which-shall-not-be-named-here, you will surely agree that we are choosy. Right?

Hardu said...

vc: I refuse to take the hint! I stick to my opinion.

anti: Choosy? How does that make one choosy??
BTW, how did your opinion about Priyanka Chopra change in the past 2 weeks? Due to this shooting? ;)
I agree that Aish is irritating when she acts (as she doesn't know how to act) but atleast she IS gorgeous to look at! Don't you agree?

anantha said...

Hardu: Well, she used to be gorgeous till she became all bulimic or something. And as much as I want to like her, the thought of the banalities that I dread coming out from her mouth makes me take a step or two away.
And oh btw, way back in 1996, the first year of my undergrad, my choice of Aishwarya Rai over Sushmita Sen led to what should be the rapidest arrangement of a snap poll, ever, in India! All first year guys were "instructed" to come to a certain hostel room with their cup of evening coffee and depart after saying either "Aishwarya Rai" or "Sushmita Sen". You'd be surprised to know that Sushmita Sen won by a landslide and Aishwarya Rai's votes could be counted using fingers on Hrithik Roshan's hands, the extra one non-withstanding.
But while Sushmita has managed to age gracefully, Aishwarya Rai has sadly taken the role of a wannabe!

Hardu said...

anti: Very very interesting to note that way back in 1996, when Aish was a hot topic, guys have preferred Sush! It really makes me wonder why. At that time, Aish had still not displayed her inability to act and inspite of that she was wiped out. Strange!

VC said...

hardu: nothing surprising! Aish - you want to put on a pedestal, put flowers, do aarthi etc. etc. Sush - you want to..well, you figure it out!

Zeppelin said...

hmmm... i thought the male-body-part-which-we-supposedly-think-with-and-which-shall-not-be-named-here had a mind of its own.. ?? :p

anantha said...

Zeppelin: Shhh.. secrets..can kill you...

vc: ha ha ha...

Zeppelin said...

oh...ooopppsss.didnt realize that.. thanks for pointing it out... :-)

Raj said...

Its good to know that the guys at ur college had good taste. Sushmita Sen rocks!

?! said...

Well known fact that everybody pretends to ignore : Sush rox. ( hell, even the stoopid beauty contest judges knew waaaayy back).

Aby baby is HOT ? whaddya do, buy a Braille TV ?

anantha said...

?! / Raj: Ya.. Sush seems to have held up a lot. But she did a couple of item number types in a series of Sunny Deol movies in the second half of the 90s that made her look shrewish! Thankfully she has avoided. She was HOT in Main Hoon Naa.

?!: I don't know about Aby Jr., but the gals seem to think he his hot and you do know that gentlemen always agree with the ladies. You gotta do what you gotta do :D

alpha said...

With an intact female-organ-that-shall-not-be-named-but-has-already-been-named-on-this-comment-board, I think Aby baby looks like a plastic surgery gone bad. Ash baby is a plastic surgeons nightmare (too perfect). And as we speak the Plastic Surgeon has prolly slept with Sush. Ms. Chopra is not even worth commenting on. Bottom line, Plastic Surgeon is happy.

anantha said...

Alpha: Total Galeej man neee :))

alpha said...

hush..appropriate reply will be given in tanglish after my lessons. for now take - askalakadi!

its better than your word verification system which gave me 'sxvaadu' (do u know telugu?).
take that thing out! it's slowing my commenting abilities.

anantha said...

Alpha: Naaku Telugu baaga thelusandi :) Meer enti illa chepinarru? Naa dhaari raha dhaari... Seendadhu...
"sxvaadu"??? :)) Appropriate, no? :D And ya, I am getting removing that.. NOW..

anantha said...

Alpha: Done!

alpha said...

thanks..now to go and threaten others who have it!

anantha said...

Alpha: :p

Shashi Rajasekaran said...

interesting convo..

anti i guess i wasn't in the electoral college then..

vote for sush..

anantha said...

Shashi: No da.. you might have been teething at that time. ;)
This was when *I* was in first year at Shanmugha.

J said...

well... sour grapes!

?! said...

Y'day, was singing, a bit louder than intended perhaps, when a sudden powercut threw the TV into mute.

And my voice resounded

Inzy ..aah we gonna
pound you into roadkill
Just chill chill
Just Kill

Errm. The guests left early.

I call it my aNTi moment.

anantha said...

?!: LOL... nice to know that ppl are having "my" moments themselves. Spread the word around and mebbe one of these days, I will finally get an advance to start on that book that I have always wanted to write ;)

Hardu said...

Why do you need an advance to start writing a book? Write one and then we can all help you to find a publisher (if you give us some share in the profits you make). :P

anantha said...

Hardu: I am already writing one. Except that its a long way from getting published. Ideally it won't be published till I die :D

Hardu said...

I wouldn't mind reading it though even if it doesn't get published. You can pass it to me once you are done with it. I can give my approval. :P

anantha said...

Hardu: well in some ways, you are already reading it. But once i get it done, i will pass it on to you. Send me an email once u get the message that i have passed on ;)

Hardu said...

I will do that. Actually I would have given you a call to let you know that you have passed but unfortunately I do not have your number. ;)

anantha said...

Hardu: How will you call me if I have passed ON? hmm..do you have a direct connection to hell (which is surely where i am gonna go, i think)?
Btw, ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR MY PHONE NUMBER? I am not giving it to you cos my mommy told me not to talk to strangers. ;)

Hardu said...

Gosh! You are going to go to Hell? Then I am sorry, I dont have a direct connection to that place. If it would have been Heaven I had one. :P

I am not asking for your phone number. Don't keep your hopes so high! :P It should actually be working the other way round. ;)

anantha said...

:p

Hardu said...

In alpha's comment box you say that you are no master in PJ's. Here is one more thing in which you are no master - in taking Hints. :P

anantha said...

Hardu: Good one man.. Good one :)

Hardu said...

Thanks! :)

Che! You gave up so soon! Being a Gentleman is it? ;)

Anyway, as you have given up, I will take pity on you and stop pulling your leg. :P

Looking forward to your next post. :)

anantha said...

Hardu: oh, wait a minute.. PITY??? hmm..Its ok, cos I am the quintessential gentleman and thats what gentlemen do, i.e., let people gloat :p

Hardu said...

Anti: Very nice to note that you are ready to let go. :)

If you want any reco letters to send to prospective brides, do let me know. I would be happy to write one mentioning this point. Girls would be happy to note that. :P

anantha said...

Hardu: Thank you.. Dhanya ho gaye hum! I will keep that in mind. More than me, my mom would be happy to read this, I think. She will then probably realize I am not as *bad* as I want her think I am :D
And since you asked, next post coming up soon. "I'm No Superman" will be right back...

(P.S: Dhanya = "Blessed" in Hindi, I think. I do not know any gal named Dhanya, as much as I'd love to know one named thus. Its a nice name, you see..)

Hardu said...

Oh Shit! Chance miss ho gaya! How I wish my name was Dhanya. ;) Should I change it to Dhanya? :P